Terrible Things That Must End in 2012..
Our capacity to love human beings have proven ourselves quite capable of doing truly disgusting things, also, including waging wars, acting upon greed, and wearing tight skin jeans. In an effort to build a more just, rational, and aesthetically pleasing future, here is a list of things OloriSupergal is banning in 2012.
At the stroke of midnight on December 31, 2012, be sure to either immediately stop doing the actions listed here, or, if it’s an object that’s being banned, perhaps, incinerate it in a trash can. The civilized world thanks you!
- I want this to go away every year, but I can just keep hoping: Can we get rid of people posting pictures that are obviously self-portraits but are made to look like someone else is holding the camera? How about the self-portraits where the person is looking anywhere other than the camera, like they just happened to snap a picture just as they saw something droll in the far corner of the room, or something fascinating was happening on the ceiling?
- You can try and trick yourself into believing that your inspirational saying posters are better than the corny inspirational posters hanging in fifth grade classrooms, what with their elegant fonts and nice frames, but it is unfortunate that you will be wrong.
- T-shirt companies: Oh, god, please, no more t-shirt companies in 2013. Do you know how many people are already making t-shirts? Thousands and thousands alone, and with everything on them from “witty” sayings. We do not need anyone else to exert brain power in an effort to come up with more goddamn t-shirts.
- The trend of pop stars calling their fans specific names: Lady GaGa has Little Monsters, Nicki Minaj has Barbies and Kens, Bieber has Beliebers, One Direction has Directioners. Rihanna has Riri Navy/Rangers etc. Why do we do this annoying thing? Let’s just go back to calling people “fans” in 2013.
- Taking a picture with an iPad in the toilet / bathroom: Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look when you do this? Use your phone to take a picture of yourself taking a picture with an iPad, then look at how ridiculous you look. For example, the picture below
- Pretending that being a nerd is a bad thing anymore:It’s no longer self-deprecating to call yourself a “nerd”. Nerds started Apple and Facebook and everything else people obsess over nowadays, and comic book movies are consistent blockbusters at theaters. Nerds are the most powerful people in the world now.
- Retweets do not equal endorsements”: Do we need to see this ever again in someone’s Twitter bio? It’s like the “No Smoking” signs on airplanes. We get it. If you add this disclaimer, tell the higher-ups they are stupid for doing so. If you add this disclaimer yourself just because you want to, you are bad at the internet.
- All those kind of frivolous one- or two-word Twitter responses to things that have happened: “Dead,” “I can’t,” “shots fired,” “bye,” “facepalm,” “smart take,” “+1.” Plus one? What game are we playing? Who is keeping score?
- The word “swag”: If you’re over 18, you should never be using the word “swag” to describe anything. If you do use it, you should do so ironically after doing something awful.
- Instagramming pictures of food: A long time ago, people used to just order food at restaurants and eat it, and it was a pretty enjoyable experience. Now every other meal you have to wait to dig in because your obnoxious dining companion wants to snap a picture of all the courses and immediately upload them to the internet to keep everyone abreast of their refined tastes. What is wrong with you people? And then all the pictures end up looking completely unappetizing and vile. Just let me eat, please. You eat, too. Put away the camera and eat.
- Skinny jeans and skinny ties: I still wear skinny jeans sometimes, but I probably shouldn’t. That shit is from 2007, guys. . Skinny ties on the other hand need to go.
- Drop-crotch pants: Is this a thing anywhere else in the world??? Regardless, drop-crotch pants need to be hunted down to whatever corners of the earth in which they exist and totally extinguished.