Just a few years back, I was in a very unhappy place. I was heartbroken, lonely, unsupported and wondered how and if I would ever be in a stable relationship that was healthy, happy, and filled with love. I remained in this state until I made some inner shifts. Here’s how I managed to find a happy, healthy relationship; I hope it inspires someone out there.
6 ways I found a loving, happy, and healthy relationship.
I got really comfortable with being alone.
I made it a goal to enhance my most important relationship of all: my relationship with myself. I learned how to enjoy my own company, I learned how to better notice and regulate my own emotions, I learned what I need to do to make myself happy, and I became the master of my own self-care.
I discovered what I needed to do in order to best help me rather than others. I have found that being more tuned-in with myself I am much better able to get my own needs met for myself, rather than to fall into my old habit of expecting others to meet my needs.
I acknowledged my old heartbreaks, gave myself time to heal, and let go.
I gave myself time and space to grieve over my heartbreaks. I cried, I journaled, I talked about it in therapy. I took time to honor my past relationships in the way that I felt guided to. I didn’t repress my feelings or dwell on them to a point where I’d be depressed. Nor did I push myself to “hurry up and forgive” or go into a rebound relationship. I simply gave myself space to process it in a way that felt natural to me with the intention to gradually let it go and, eventually, forgive and heal completely.
I believed that I deserved a loving, happy and healthy relationship.
Many times after a breakup I would find myself in this place of “I won’t find anyone else”, “I won’t find anyone better” or “I’ll never find a stable and loving relationship”. All of these thoughts are fear-based thoughts created by our ego — they are not true.
When I finally released these thoughts and truly believed in the deepest of my being that I truly deserved a healthy relationship that was filled with love, then my new relationship emerged.
When I knew I was ready, I was willing to ask for what I wanted and trusted it would happen.
When the time came that I felt as if I had become really comfortable with myself, I healed and forgave my past ex’s, and I truly believed I deserved a healthy and loving relationship, I asked for what I wanted.
In my mind I told myself and the universe, “I’m ready” a few times every day for about a month. I wasn’t worried as to whether someone would come or not. I wasn’t even concerned about the outcome. I simply just said, “I’m open and ready” in trust and faith that something would happen. In about a month, I was on a date.
I let go of my “ideal”.
I let go of all these list of traits that I thought I wanted in a partner: To be from a certain area or have a certain heritage, to have a certain hair color or be a certain height, to have certain interests, to have X things in common, and so on. By letting go of my “ideal” I opened myself up to greater possibilities. I was then able to fully see, accept, and appreciate my partner for who he truly is when we first started dating.
I made the conscious effort to not put my partner up on a pedestal.
In the very beginning of our relationship I continuously made the intention to see him and I as equals rather than for us to put each other up on pedestals. By making this effort and intention, I truly believe this has been a major factor in getting us to a place of happiness, love and stability that we are at now.
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