Relationship expert, Praise Fowowe, who is a self confessed sex addict turned relationship and sex counselor, in this incisive piece gave reasons why the marriages of some top pastors are packing up. Find his thought provoking piece below
- A man of God is not God, he is a man: Unfortunately, we treat our men of God as if they are spirits who don’t live in human body. What do we expect when we saddle them with our numerous issues. Unfortunately, many are not wise to say no to church members whose lives will continue if they drop dead. Church members have academic, financial, and even marital problems, they go to the pastor as if the man is built to solve every problem and in our quest to prove that we are superstars, we also fail to embrace the use of professionals who are trained in these things because of our hidden fear of respect. What stops a man of God who knows his marriage is in danger to take a back seat and allow a church member whose marriage is a model take a message on a Sunday that marriage is meant to be discussed? You are not built to solve every problem.
- Anointing does not give immunity to divorce: The same way anointing doesn’t give immunity to sexual sins, it doesn’t also give immunity to divorce. It takes more than anointing to make a marriage work. I have seen the people we refer to as unbelievers build a fantastic marriage why I have also seen loads of tongue-talking believers make a shipwreck of theirs. The most important ingredient to build a winning marriage isn’t prayers, it is knowledge and if you don’t have it, you can’t pray it in. I tell people that your anointing wouldn’t stop you from sleeping with church members if you have a sex problem. If you position yourself around babes consistently in the name of “My daughter in the lord” and you don’t draw a critical line, it is only a matter of time. My story is everywhere on how I was a sex addict in church after being born again yet leading praise worship and leading people to Christ until I became real to myself and went to get help. Every counselor needs a counselor and every pastor needs a pastor who may not necessarily be title carrying person because the problem with us is that in this part of the world, we believe that a laity isn’t anointed as long as he doesn’t pastor a large church. If you are beating your wife, don’t pretend you don’t have a problem, you need to get help from a psychologist or psychiatrist.
- There is no relationship without communication and relaxation: So many men of God don’t communicate with their spouses. You can’t expect an abandoned flower to blossom without your attention. I think many of us saddle our wives with church work that they are not prepared for. I do not believe that because a man is a pastor necessarily means that his wife must be a Pastor Mrs. God’s callings and gifting aren’t by marriage. I don’t understand the calling that will make a man of God remain in Nigeria while he sends his wife to Germany to pastor the branch of the church over there. Excuse me, you are a human being who needs emotional attention. Unfortunately, that is the reality in many ministries. You are a man of God on the pulpit but at home, you are a lover and a father to your children. So you might learn to drop the bible and Christianity on the altar so that you can communicate with your wife and your children in human language. I was invited to a meeting years back and I asked the Pastor’s there the last time they had a dance with their spouses? I was shocked when they said it was during their wedding.
- Isolation isn’t spirituality: Jesus never isolated himself. As a matter of fact, he was found in everyday places like our present day shopping malls and movie houses. I see a lot of young pastors who have aged faster than they should be because of Isolation. Something tells us that we need to isolate ourselves to receive a word for a people who are being “pastored” only during the service because many of them are being influenced more by their favorite musician than their pastor. Don’t allow church members turn you into who you are not because you don’t want to hang out with your babe. They would spread your story when your marriage breaks down. When was the last time you met your pastor in a bus, mall, a restaurant or a cinema? As a matter of fact, when was the last time he was stuck in traffic and you saw him? If your answer is no, then most likely your pastor is a spirit. If a man wants to live in isolation, he should please not get married so that we can save the body of Christ all this embarrassment.
- Wisdom is in the city square: If a man of God is inadequate on a particular subject, It is not shameful to get help. It is humility to look for help from people that have studied that particular subject. Something to learn from someone we have categorized as sinner. So when I hear someone make statements like there is nothing an unbeliever can teach me, I often ask who taught you how to speak English and understand Mathematics. Age and longevity in ministry is not the same as wisdom.