In Nigeria, shouting is not madness, or maybe it is. It is an intricate part of the system. Those who are leaders are not carefully selected on the merit that they have leadership tendencies but ability to scream out loud, over who is corrupt and isn’t, over what is needed or not.
If you were invited to an occasion, the waitress will purposely bypass you, with the drinks; food and toothpick unless you can scream down the heavens and curse her with the many fine names of Amadioha. Screaming is legal.
So if you have a tiny voice you would be a subject. If your lecturer had a smaller voice you would be the teacher. He would have to listen to your noise. It is meant to be so. It is Nigeria. It is the great Nigeria, the most populous black nation on earth. That alone is a meal ticket.
Maybe if your ancestors are strong enough and your kindred spirit finds you awesome and give you strength, physical strength which must involve muscles, that is the only time you may be called a contender, outside that you are a celebrated learner.
In the law making process, once the relevant rituals for reading of a bill is called, the people shout. Men who were elected would scream like madness was a part of them. They will begin to scream and shout until the weaker people give way. Then they would be relaxed. Those who could sustain their breath would eventually become leaders and their bills and laws listened to. Those who are not audible enough become the subjects; they will follow the loud voiced men everywhere. They must lick their anus and present their clothes as hand towel so their filthy hands can be wiped.
If you caught a thief in your house and he had stronger voice than you did, he would scream and your neighbours would have to burn you alive. That way you become a villain while he reigns as victor. In the incidents in Rivers State, the shouting group is believed to have felt the pains. The likes of Gov. Amaechi, whose many qualities may exclude very loud voice, in the electronic or print media becomes the victim.
Nigeria is like that. When you have a child, there are just two ways of knowing if he would be a leader or a servant. Make him cry. If the voice rings so deafening, then invest in him. He would make you proud. He would eventually become a politician. Isn’t that a great choice? A fine quality of being a politician is impunity. Oh, heavens, you would have a right to do anything, run amok and have the people present you with a chieftaincy titles.
Chief Popa of Ken Saro-Wiwa’s “Prisoners of Jebs” was such a man – with a loud voice. He got a contract to build Jebs prison. He disappeared with the funds. He held a party on the streets of Lagos. He proceeded to his village where he was given a chieftaincy title and hailed. The government couldn’t do much. In Nigeria no one can do much. When it was futile, I mean when the small energy that was put to making him pay was exhasuted, he was left to be a free man. There is so much money in Nigeria so anyone can be stupid. The monies can wipe away your tears. It can save your soul from damnation. Chief Popa only got caught and sent to the same prison he was to build when a new government came into power.
If you are to be married as a man, your wife should compliment you. If you have a tiny voice, you might breed a generation of timid people and slaves if you don’t marry a woman who can roar like a lion. People know this and so they get the right approach. When I am drawing the qualities of my potential wife, I will look not just for the physical beauty, the great height, the perfect hips and the all decorated lips. I won’t only ask for a proper watermelon sized boobs but a voice which can command demons. Yes, demons respect very commanding voice, especially the Nigerian demon.
I met a friend who has been out of Nigeria. She has a tiny voice. She is pretty and intelligent. But I can’t marry her. We would be doomed. If one of Obama’s daughters, who I have concluded plans to getting married to, has a small voice, we will part ways. It is that important. Outside Nigeria, leadership may be base on other trivialities. Sad. They lack due advice. When the voice is amplified, when a warning is sounded over a loud, resounding voice, the effect is more than ripples. It causes great torrent.
You are less than a Nigerian with a tiny voice. Maybe there should be surgery that can enable a loud voice. So we all can be great Nigerian leaders.
Article written by @saintvinny
Nwilo Bura-Bari Vincent