In part, one of the alluring sentences of ex-minister Femi Fani-Kayode, my hero (especially if that remains the name of the brand of beer most popular in South Eastern Nigeria, rumoured to be owned by the Anambra State Governor, Pastor Peter Obi), reads: “the Igbo continuously run us down, blame us for all their woes, envy our educational advantages and resent us deeply for our ability to excel in the professions and commerce”. This and many more made Madam Oby Ezekwesili boil. Madam didn’t understand the statement. If my hero is so educated as claimed in the quoted sentence above and is envied and writes fine thrash, why should anyone give him so much attention?



Anyways, who wouldn’t be angry? Concerned Nigerians who wouldn’t hesitate to tweet (this country could be boring. We await new nonsense daily, on the blog’ sphere to keep body and soul busy) sent a few punches to the man; the lawyer, poet and essayist and my hero. (That’s what his Wikipedia page says jor.) Mr. Fani-Kayode has enjoyed a swell time in the Nigerian government, as a Special Assistant to President Obasanjo. He has served as both Aviation and Tourism Minister. To expect Mr. Fani Kayode to be detribalised is to ask too much. He is too busy minding the pretty backsides of sexy Igbo women. He abhors sanity. My hero, Mr. Fani-Kayode is a friend to the internet. When I am not laughing at the very bombastic Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon, or rolling on the floor because Madam First Lady has chosen to act more Nollywood movie rolls more than Mr. Ibu, I watch the hypocritical American musicians on television, revealing flesh and making sex a compulsory commodity, whereby they would fly to a country called Africa in no time and promote safe sex by sharing condoms and pornography in DVDs.



I deviated again! I must learn to stop obstructing myself and write without distraction. The man, my hero, who wrote the statement, had not stopped writing thrash to satisfy his tormenting demons who come in legions, with giant forks to disturb the life out of his sanity. Bloody stupid demon.



Femi Fani Kayode is important. I think he would make a good president, I have faith him. He has every requirement that qualifies a Nigerian president. He talks too much. He talks about women and Illuminati. He is born-again. He is a retard. He is a tribal worm! What else does the Nigerian people want? He has ideas, coupled with pictures, maybe to make Nigeria “Jebs’ Prison”. My hero had been elected, maybe in error as a minister for aviation. He did much. He kept some private funds for himself. The EFCC is after him. They want a share of what he saved while he was in government. Maybe this hasn’t kept him in peace, I presume. It has contributed to his unstable mental state. I sympathise with those who hold him at high esteem, including my dishonourable self.

While I wouldn’t mind a tape where the Igbo people blamed Oga Fani-Kayode and his very loyal fans for their woes, I think he is a child in adult clothing who likes to call the attention of adults every now and then, by shouting unnecessarily. While I would let the above quote go, for it reeks of depression and maybe saddened threat by a hardworking ethnic group, it doesn’t deserve a place in my memory.

I like FFK. (He likes this abbreviation like he likes his job, making trouble.) He is a handsome man. He has a loud mouth. I’m sure he sniffs something I can’t lay a finger on – okay, I think that former Miss Nigeria – Regina something said it in her love letter to him. In it all, I like him – he remains my hero. He is a sick retard. He is such a mad man. He is a Nigerian. He has everything one expects of a Nigerian politician. He was an ex-minister and he did excellently and marvellously well. If he would come out in 2015 as a presidential candidate of one of those makeshift political parties, I would vote him. I would tell my friends to vote him. We will line up, face forward, with hopelessness and thumb print. If the vote isn’t enough, I would take a truck to my village and force everyone, especially at gunpoint to vote for the dearest FFK. He is a fearless noisemaker.

Nigeria is a pretty large country. There are many retards around as officials in government. I know a lot of them. FFK is not a small coward. He is a king-sized fool whose mouth, or as it appears, has horny fingers. He must have a tiny penis, since he couldn’t keep any of the women he mentioned in his article that he had intimacy with. Sad, when you have a tiny dick, the women will run amock. Every woman wants to be satisfied. Imagine, none of the names he mentioned returned, not to give me even a hand-job! They fled. They must have seen a glittering man and had made grave mistakes. It happens every now and then. FFK is a qualified Nigerian.

What doesn’t surprise me is how people seat and lazy about the internet space with his articles in front of them. What surprises me is the amount of attention people give to him. I left him long ago. When I see his name attached to any write-up I dodge or would rather watch with a bottle of borrowed Vodka by my side, picked up porn DVD of Jada Fire! (Ehmm, if you know that lady, Jada, then you should be skipping communion services in church, you are a rotten tomato!) Anyone who preaches hate and analysis stupid things and comes out with a stupid apology letter through a miserable secretary is a quantified idiot. I am glad FFK knows this fact. Lagos is ours. I think I need to go grab a tiny plot of land in Lagos and build my beer parlour. Nonsense!


Nwilo Bura-Bari Vincent




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